Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]"Hm," Alema said, sparing a small smile. "I cooked for my friends and colleagues. Most of them didn't know how, and I think sometimes it was nice for them to have real hot food to eat instead of just rations." It was amazing how much she could tell him about her life without actually including the whole 'nefarious band of criminals' issue. It shouldn't have surprised her, though. She'd never been there for the jobs or the glory or the money, so those aspects would likely not have come to mind later when describing her time on the Revenge. Just her friends and what she'd tried to do for them.
"You're right, though. I did initially learn to cook for work. It was one of the duties that I actually rather enjoyed at my first job." Job. She could have just said it, that she was a house slave. This time though it wasn't fear that held her tongue, but compassion. It was too soon after their last conversation to bring out any reminders of her servitude to humans. It would have made her new acquaintance uncomfortable, and Alema didn't want that.
She unknotted his shirt and laid out all the clams on it. She rubbed the sand off of them and pulled out the cooking pot inside the basket that had made it waterproof enough to hold the clams. "Would you make the fire, please, while I get these ready?"
While she waited for him to take care of that part of meal preparation, she began scrubbing the shells of the clams on the cuff of her jeans to make sure there wasn't any sand still ground down into them. Alema's teeth had been filed down quite enough by previous owners without chewing sand on top of everything else. She also doubted that Julius wanted to be crunching through dirt, either. "Or we could eat them raw. I wouldn't mind, but I think they're generally better cooked."
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Posts: 43
(10/11/07 8:42 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Well that sealed the deal. The person next to him was a chef, at least for one night he'd be cooking something that was above average in quality. He had planned on just eating one of of few rations that he had brought along until he had gotten organized enough that he could live off of wild game and such. Already his trip was starting off on a strong note, he'd met a chef and already knew of a nearby woman who he could swim to if he needed some supplies while here on leave. And of course Daesha, whom he was still unsure of how she thought of him. He enjoyed the company but certainly did not wish to intrude upon her.
Nodding to her request for a fire, he got up and turned to walk out into the woods. He began grabbing all sizes of branches that had fallen, breaking others off the trees as he passed them. Holding a bundle of them under his arm, he grabbed a splintered log that had rotted slightly and held it under his other arm. Walking back, he set the wood down and searched his person for a lighter. Finding one somehoe still in his pocket, he checked to make sure it still lit. When it did, he smiled and muttered, "cheap ones always do."
Hearing Daesha say something about eating the clams raw, Julius turned and stared at her for a moment, trying to figure out if she was kidding or not. After another second, he finally spoke up, "well if that is easier for you, I would have no problem eating them raw." They couldn't be any worse than the standard Imperial rations. At least they would taste like something, the rations were little more than cardboard with vitamins and nutritions stuff somewhere in between. Either way, a fire would still be nice because it would provide him an easier way to clean his, well, now clam and sand covered shirt. "Do you want some help with that?"
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema glanced up, less startled by his offer of assistance and more by what it signified. They'd fallen into a healthy cooperative rhythm almost instantly, each doing their part so that they could both have something good to eat and a little companionship.
Perhaps it wasn't good for me to forget the value of being with another person. Maybe the danger is in the attachment, and not the company on its own. No time is wasted if a lesson's learned, she decided. "No, I'm all right," she answered with a smile. "All I have to do is rub the sand off, and then put some water on to boil. When the water's boiling, just put the clams in until they pop open." She dumped one or two back onto Julius' poor hapless t-shirt. "Easy."
She stood and scooped some riverwater into the pot. After all, they were going to be boiling it anyway. "As long as we don't overcook them, they'll be fine without much more effort than that."
The sky hadn't yet begun to set, but the color of the light was beginning to change and soon the sun would be setting even faster. Alema put the pot of water on the fire, and stood a few paces away from the fire to keep an eye on it. "So what were you going to eat tonight? I don't imagine you were shooting at game with that blaster."
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Posts: 44
(10/11/07 10:35 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Her smile in response to his question lifted his worries that he may have overstepped any boundaries. He could feel the tension in his neck dissipate after that. She made it seem simple enough to clean the clams and he was glad for that, he would have had to watch her probably a couple of times to get it right. He always had a problem when it came to preparing food correctly, sure some things were easy enough, but clams? Julius could only image how he could screw up with them. When she put the clams back on the shirt he made a mental note to make sure that if it smelled like clams still, that he would burn it.
He nodded to her explaining how to cook them. There was no way it was that simple but she made it sound easier that shooting a blaster. If it was really that simple, he may have a staple diet of clams during his time here. Sitting next to the fire, he watched her set the pot on it. Blue skin with fire reflecting on it, it was, well, alien to him. He didn't stare for that was rude, but inside it was different. Not bad, just different. Looking up at her as she spoke he couldn't help but laugh. "Well if I hadn't run across a chef I had planned on simply dining on a meal ration. Needless to say, my stomach and I both appreciate you doing this."
Julius nodded his head back towards the woods. "If you need some wood or something while I am around, feel free to ask. It would be no trouble at all." He had to repay her somehow, yet he didn't want to force himself at her, instead he would leave it entirely up to Daesha. If she wanted something, he'd be more than happy to help.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]"Thank you," she responded. "You're very kind to offer. I should be all right, though." Alema didn't cook everything she ate, having something of a strong stomach. Furthermore, by the time whatever passed for a cold season came around and she needed a fire for heat, Julius would likely be gone.
She'd still be here, though. Ryma'at willing.
"And really, I'm not a chef. I..." She wavered for a moment, but decided it wasn't important anymore. "...used to work for a man who was busy a lot, so I took care of a lot of things around home for him. Cooking was one. After I left I didn't think it was going to be a useful skill, since cooking isn't as fulfilling if you're just doing it for yourself."
She peeked over into the pot to see if it was boiling yet. No luck. "But later I met all these people who ate nothing but rations and beer nuts washed down with liquor, and I had to do something or they'd all have died of starvation before cirrhosis had time to set in," she said with a chuckle.
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Posts: 45
(10/12/07 9:20 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
He listened, glad that she was actually talking. Though she'd pause and he would wonder whether how much of what she was saying was the truth. From what she said, Julius thought that she must have been a maid in her past. The thought was funny, though he expressed nothing of it on his face. A twi'lek would certainly be the top of his list for a maid. Though with the Empire in its current state, only Officers of the labor camps would have any sort of alien maids.
Julius laughed, "that sounds like you were serving a ship or a regiment." He paused and thought for a moment. She could have been a Republican or a Rebel in the past. Probably wasn't hard from them to hide out amongst criminals either. Nonsense, that was the past, the Republic was gone and if he was in trouble from the Rebellion, well then, he didn't have much that he'd be able to do to stop them. "I wont ask for who because that is your own knowledge and not mine."
Noting that the sun was starting to set, Julius watched the sun for a moment before looking down at the fire. "Kind of strange isn't it?" It was, he fought against enemies all the time and never gave it a thought. Now he was sitting next to a fire with someone who was most likely an enemy to the Empire. "By everything I've been told, I shouldn't be talking with you, and you shouldn't be talking with me. Heh, in all actuality, I shouldn't even be here." He sat quiet for a minute before speaking up to change the topic. "Those clams ready?"
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]"I wont ask for who because that is your own knowledge and not mine."
Alema was grateful for his discretion, and for an opportunity to enjoy an evening with him without either of them betraying their allies. Julius was right that it was strange. After encountering any other Imperial and that would have been it, Alema would never again have breathed free air as long as she lived.
As a twi'lek she walked much closer to the line between slave and free woman than many races, since even freedom could be just another fleeting transition between masters. Humans could make mistakes, but even one slip and she'd be right back where she was. The anxiety lurked in the back of her mind despite her best efforts.
This was a nice change for her. He didn't expect anything of her, didn't ask for anything, and didn't seem to need anything. It was just the two of them, and Alema cooking because she wanted to do it.
"Clams are ready to go in, but the water's only just getting ready to boil," she answered. She reached down and grabbed two handfuls of clams, dropping them into the water and squinting in annoyance as boiling water splashed the tender inner skin of her arms. It was too late to stop, though, and she stoically reached down to grab the rest and drop them in.
She watched down into the pot with her hands on her hips as one by one the clams died and their shells split open. Dinner would be fast to cook and quickly finished. What would they do after that? They couldn't get to know each other, so that aim of conversation was right out of the question.
Who says? she answered herself indignantly. Am I a courtesan or aren't I? What good am I if I can't even manage a simple superficial encounter?
Maybe she would learn little about the specifics of his professional life, and maybe she had no professional life to speak of, but that didn't mean they weren't both people. People could get to know each other. People had friends.
When the clams seemed to be finished, she poured the pot out into the basket she'd used to carry them and let the water run out the sides, effectively straining out the clams. She reached in and plucked out a few steaming hot clams that hadn't opened and tossed them over her shoulder away from the river. "Don't eat them if they don't open," she told him. "Means they were dead to begin with, and you might not want whatever killed them swimming around in your stomach. Other than that...." She stood away from the basket of clams. "They're done. Go ahead and grab one, but be careful you don't burn yourself."
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Posts: 46
(10/12/07 10:45 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
He was glad the clams were ready, it got his mind off everything and back to the fact that he was hungry. That and he wanted to see what fresh clams right out the river would taste like. He sat up more and leaned onto his arm to get ready to stand up to help her put the clams in when she got right to doing it on her own. So he sat back down completely and waited until she finished dropping them in. It did surprise him that she never stopped looking at the clams. No way could they actually cook that fast.
Way. He couldn't help but smile when she went right to pouring them into her basket. He nodded to her advice about not eating them if they hadn't opened. Though he remembered when his platoon had gotten them years ago, he and the others just bashed the closed ones open so they ate something.
She stood away from the clams and that made him feel kind of awkward. Though it was understandable, they still hardly knew each other so there was no reason for them to be directly next to each other. Getting up off the ground he walked over and grabbed himself a clam. It wasn't so hot-yes it was. He quickly dropped it. He looked up at her and chuckled, "Yeah, just a little hot."
He tried grabbing a different and let go of it as he touched it. Looking back up at Daesha he pointed an accusing finger at her. "You're having me go first on purpose." He smiled again and sat down next to the clams. "I'll let them cool for a few seconds."
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema laughed into her hand at his mock-accusation that she was sabotaging his efforts at eating dinner. "You caught me. All part of my sinister plot, though whether it's a plot against you or against the local clam population remains a mystery."
Shockingly enough, this might have been the least awkward conversation Alema had had with anyone in several months. Wasn't that a sad statement. It was the first conversation Alema had enjoyed, knowing the other person was as concerned for her comfort and boundaries as she was for theirs.
It was kind of nice.
"I'm afraid I don't have anything to drink except some tea back home, so water'll have to do with these." She reached down into the basket, picked up a clam and dropped it after a second or two. "Still hot," she said placidly. "Needs a minute. While they're still cooling I have a question, but it's not like the last one," she said, briefly throwing her hands up defensively. "And if it would involve details you can't give me, that's okay. But I was wondering... why the Empire? Why not local government, or the clergy, or... I don't know. Acting. What's in it for a guy like you?"
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Posts: 47
(10/12/07 11:16 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Well at least she took it in jest. It meant she was at least becoming more accustomed to his being there. He didn't mind hers at all. Shesh, neither came preparred for drinking. He hadn't even thought of it at all. He figured he'd be living mostly off water while he was here anyways. Boil it up, burn all the diseases that may be in it, then drink it down. The process took a long time and he didn't mind just drinking running river water. He'd done it enough when he needed to fill up a canteen.
He laughed when she mentioned that it was still hot. Now they had both made the same mistake, so he didn't feel as ridiculous doing it. He nodded when she said that she had a question. Really he had very little to hide aside from things involving alien execution, he would rather not mention any of that to Daesha. He was ashamed of it, and she would likely think even less of him. Heh, even less of an Imperial, was that possible to those who hated us so much already?
He listened to her question and leaned back, his arms supporting him, and thought for a minute. "I was young, brash, wanted adventure. The Imperial Army promised that and it would put me through school. Heh, they were the local government, I'm from Dantooine." He chuckled at that, "if I hadn't been? I likely would have made a decision to join the local military for the same reason." He laughed, "I was never religious enough to ever even think of joining the clergy." He paused for a moment. "Though I had thought of becoming a crewman on a cargo ship." He smirked, "seems kind of a slow job when I compare it to the military."
"What do I get from it? Well, I loved the Empire. I really did, it was there to try and provide direction for the galaxy. Now? Now its an oppressive monster, but I cant change that." Shoulders shrugged, "its how life goes. Its where I am, and most likely where I will die. The military has become my life, I don't know anymore what I would do besides it." He shook his head and looked down, "I really didn't expect it to go as far as extermination species..."
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema nodded slowly, assimilating this new information about her acquaintance. At the very least he hadn't apparently signed up for the glory of his species or whatever. By the time things went downhill from the ideals he'd appreciated--whatever those could have been, Alema didn't know--it was too late.
So it was inertia after all. But when a warrior loses the passion that drives him, what's left?
"No one can anticipate the ends of his actions, and he can't control them either," she answered. "We've all made choices that went places perhaps we wished they hadn't, but it's always for a reason." She reached forward to grab the edges of another open clam between her fingertips. It was cool enough to touch, and she tossed it from hand to hand to let it the air cool it further before she went sticking her fingers inside it. "I could never have been a warrior. I don't have the right qualities, and was born in the wrong family for it anyway."
If not for certain choices her mother had made, Alema could have done almost anything she wanted. Her mother had been from a very highborn family, and if she hadn't married for love, perhaps Alema would have been the eldest daughter of a family that could afford to support itself without succumbing to the slave trade. She might have been a scholar, a politician in her own right, or even a priestess. The loss of the latter choice hurt most, but those chances had turned to ash before ever opening themselves to her.
There was a twisted humor in the fact that an Imperial she'd only just met stood to learn more about her than any person in years. "Would you believe that for a while I wanted to be a waitress? I swear it was the most glamorous job I could think of. Stay out all night, talking and joking with strangers. Earning a living and having my own apartment. Maybe an iguana, who could say?" She chuckled, but the memory wasn't an entirely uplifting one. "Didn't turn out well, though. When I tried."
She reached down into the shell and pried the clam from the shell. "More recently I seem to have developed a talent for living a blessedly dull and marginal life even under... rather extraordinary circumstances." She slipped the clam into her mouth and licked her fingers. "Maybe retirement will be the real test. How much longer do you think you'll be in the military?"
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Posts: 48
(10/13/07 4:27 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Daesha spoke words of truth when she replied to him. Perhaps he hadn't had control, but he could have done more to try and be against the movements of the Imperial Intelligence Bureau. He could have used the army under his control to try and..coup? Anything, he could have done something to try and stop it but he hadn't. That was what cut at him the most when he was reminded of such things, even if it was simply talking like he was with a being of another species.
He missed her next sentence while he was in thought so he just nodded and hoped that it made sense with what she had said. It seemed like it had and she continued so he was off the hook. He smiled when she said that she wanted to be a waiter. What a simple job, perhaps that was the best path though. Many times he found himself stressed out while planning battle plans, large scale operations, even just having to sit in on a lecture about changes in the military. Right now, a waiter really didn't sound like that terrible of a job.
As she asked her question of him, Julius reached into the basket and grabbed himself a clam. "Well lets see, thirty seven, I'd probably say another ten or fifteen years before I can get off with retirement." He chuckled before prying out the clam and eating it, tossing the empty shell off to the side. He reached for another clam and asked his own question, "so then you're not retired? I find it hard to believe you can find a job around here."
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]"Oh I am," Alema replied. "Or I'm trying at least. I waited to leave until I was sure that all my normal duties were covered, so I can't imagine them calling me back. Still..." she shrugged. "I took some precautions to keep them from coming to me unless they really need something. If I'm lucky it'll be never," she added.
She grabbed another clam and yanked the poor creature's body out of the shell and ate it. "I didn't mind my job. Loved it for a while, even. It's good to feel needed, but eventually you start to get trapped by it. Eventually you've got to ask yourself when it's enough, when you've given up enough to say you aren't really fulfilled by what you're doing anymore." Alema dropped the empty clam shell next to her on the grass. "And I didn't. So it was time to change things. I was just curious when you thought you'd be reaching that point. Given what you've told me, I mean."
With another clam in hand, she tipped it back and drank the juice from the shell. "So maybe in another ten or fifteen years if we're both still around I can cook for you again and we'll see how things really turned out."
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Posts: 49
(10/13/07 9:41 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
That was odd. He couldn't see how she could be retired yet on call at the same time. He began to think about what she did again before shutting it out of his mind. In all honesty, he could care less who or what she worked for. Right now she was acting as a hostess to him and the least he could do was to be a proper guest. Could her job be that bad? She seemed reluctant to want to go back, guess this is a reasonable place to hide then. Julius didn't think the duo could even be found here if someone was trying.
He chuckled, "yes, you certainly do begin to feel trapped. And in the beginning you care for those you have to send into battle," he paused and just stared at the clams in his hand. "Then you begin to grow hard, you don't care about the lives as long as the battle is won..." He ate his clam and tossed the shell to the ground.
"Ten, fifteen years? Yeah, if we're both still alive." He glanced up at her, "well, if I'm still alive. Still not sure what you do." Smirking he grabbed another clam and pried it open. "Even if we are...its doubtful that we'll ever see each other again." Velusia would likely be attacked by the Empire again in those fifteen years. Hell, this island could be vaporized by then. He could walk right over this river with a regiment and eat clams from the same river.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]"Perhaps," she answered, unbothered. Though if I weren't retiring you'd be hearing a lot more from me, and not all of it friendly. It would almost have been worth dropping a playful hint to her station with the Revenge, but she didn't want him to feel torn between her company and his duties. At least this way he could honestly say he had no idea who she was.
"If I'm lucky enough to still be puttering around this place when the time comes, maybe I'll grab a datapad and look you up. Send cookies." She tossed the meat of another clam into her mouth and considered the option. If she really wanted to get in, it was unlikely that the Empire could keep her out of their most basic personnel records. In ten or fifteen years, though... no slicer's skills lasted that long. She'd be long obsolete by then, and perhaps only able to operate the very basics of any new computer system.
"But even if I could hack into the Empire's system just to find out where you're stationed and send snack food... that might just be overkill for an officer I'd only met once," she finished with an amused smirk.
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Posts: 50
(10/14/07 6:55 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Send Cookies? Julius couldn't help but laugh after she said that. He couldn't imagine the look he'd have on his face when he received a package from some person named Daesha and it held cookies inside of it. There would be a good chance he would just throw them out, then again, he doubted that she wouldn't include a note. Heh, what was even the chance that she would remember the Imperial that she ran across...he paused, she'd probably remember this experience a lot more than he would. He talked to so many people that he doubted after a few campaigns that he would ever remember the blue Twi'lek that sat before him. Almost a saddening thought, she had been kind enough to accept his presence, even to cook for him. He didn't know what he'd do if he ended up being stationed near a concentration camp and seeing her inside.
He sat there for a moment and listened to her talking again. His eyes staring at her after she mentioned the word hack. Could she have been a slicer? She didn't look like one, the non-Military ones were normally obsessed with technology and covered their look with lights and all sorts of things. He sat in silence, she was a criminal, chefs didn't need to be slicers. "That would certainly be odd to suddenly receive food from you in the future."
He smirked and tried to push the thoughts of her being a criminal back out of his mind. But it wouldn't leave. So he grabbed another clam and ate it down to burn some more time and allow him to think more. He had to say something and it just kind of came out, "Where are you from? I mean, more precisely, where were you born and raised? If, of course, you do not mind my asking."
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
She started to answer, but the breath left her in a sigh as she looked at Julius and tried to find the right words. "Well..." she said simply, "Ryloth. Lived with my parents until I was old enough, and then I was sold offworld."
So now he knew. Now he knew what none of her friends seemed to realize, that she'd been a slave. Finally someone knew after all this time, and didn't it just figure that it would technically be an enemy who learned it. "And of course I'm not offended. I just don't get asked that very often. Most people I've known have either assumed that I was some sort of mercenary or, in many cases, that I'm a chef. When I said I took care of one man's house, I was referring to my first master. He's... since passed on," she added tactfully.
Edited by: Alema Nilim at: 10/14/07 7:06 pm
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Posts: 51
(10/14/07 8:01 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
A slave...his whole impression of her increased. She'd survived such terrible treatment that it was amazing that she had the will to speak to anyone about such a thing, especially him. He had no idea who she was thats why he had ventured to ask her where she was from. Her being a slave, certainly not what he had expected to hear, but from what he knew of Twi'leks, it wasn't all that uncommon for that to happen.
He sat there thinking about it for a moment, "I'm sorry. That must have made adapting to the normal world so much more difficult." It was one of those times when he truly wished he was not an Imperial. The woman before him had suffered during her lifetime, not only as a slave, but for being a non-human by all those who despised alien species. That and the view of female twi'lek as being a slutty creature that was only used for sexual exploitation. "I would love to help, although I do not wish to intrude on your pride and I'm not sure exactly what I could do to help."
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
The twi'lek tilted her head and listened as Julius answered, her expression softening significantly. With a gentle smile she shook her head. "You're a very understanding man, and I thank you for that. But I've been very lucky. It's been years since I called any man 'master,' and it's thanks in large part to protection and support from people who..." She shrugged. "Didn't even know."
Alema pulled another clam from the basket, noting that their supply was getting low. She held it out in her palm for Julius and nodded to him again. "But it's good to have someone who does, even if I only speak with him once."
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Posts: 52
(10/14/07 9:26 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
He smiled, grabbed the clam, "thank you," and leaned back. "That is odd isn't it?" He said before eating the clam and tossing the empty shell towards the fire. "That neither of us knows the other, yet I don't believe I've ever spoken so much with someone in a long time without fear of censorship." He'd already said things to her that would have never been accepted in the Imperial territories. Being with her in itself was illegal and he'd likely face stiff charges if he was seen with her. Though he figured he could pull something out of his hat if it was necessary.
Light was beginning to grow even less as the flames were slowly becoming the main source of it. "Military career included, this is the first time I've ever been to this world. Always imagined a criminal world as a hell hole where you saw evil bastards running around, whores walking down the streets, people being shot left and right." He laughed, "course there aren't many people around here so I may still be right." If it touched off a nerve, she was a criminal for sure. If not, well, she still could be but it would be unlikely. And it was actually his thoughts.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
When Julius described his impression of the conversation, Alema nodded. It was the same for her, though if they were caught the consequences would be considerably more grave. As the light from the sky faded, Alema noticed the air and everything it touched turning a delicate lavender as the color of the sky changed. It was her favorite time of day, when everything was different and beautiful for several perfect seconds. They never lasted, but they came every day.
"Why do you think I live here and not in the cities?" she answered tactfully. She continued gently, "Although... you may meet more whores than you think, and in places you don't expect." She reached into the basket and pulled out the last two clams. She pulled one clam from her palm and held it out to him as she had the one before. "Maybe if you try and imagine how they got there and why they stay, they won't bother you so much. Not everyone has known real freedom."
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Posts: 53
(10/15/07 10:31 am) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
How and why they are there? They are there because they are strange and for whatever reason cannot find other occupation. "I'm sorry Daesha, but I cannot see someone who exposes themselves in such ways as someone who is living a worthy life. Not that I say they can't live, mind you, but I am still a believer of Conservatism. Such exposure is outlawed in the Empire as, well, being a waste of human flesh." He shook his head, "though they take it to the extreme and those who do it," he paused and remembered seeing it his first time, "they are removed of their flesh..." He'd remembered seeing the demonstration too, Lieutenant Stein Hall being the one to demonstrate how it is done properly. He shuddered again at remembering the sight.
Julius ate the clams she had given to him and let his mind settle for a moment. "I am not sure anyone has known 'real' freedom. There is always something holding one by a chain." He thought of his own chain, the hierarchy of the Empire, his life due to it. Though he was well passed his required stay within the military. But it was who he was, he didn't know what else to do if he wasn't part of the military. Probably retire and live on what funds he had for the rest of his life. Wouldn't be long then before he had to find new work or a really cheap area to live.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]Removed of their flesh... her mind echoed. She took a deep breath and briefly clenched her hands until her nails dug into the flesh. It was the only way to keep them from shaking after the sudden and jarring reminder that Julius wasn't just a man. He was still an enemy.
"A worthy life? Maybe not," she said, her words quiet and sorrowful. "Certainly doesn't seem like one, does it?" She picked up the empty basket and dumped it out onto the grass, disposing of the broken fragments of shell and remaining water. It was a nervous habit kicking in; something upsetting comes along and the answer is to do something productive with her hands to distract her. Alema wasn't sure if she could tell him what he needed to hear to understand her perspective, whether it was safe or whether it would put her in the literal line of fire.
"Some people see their sexuality as just another commodity, like your intellect or your strength. They feel it's a gift and a tool, and rightfully marketable. They exist, but... they're not the ones I knew."
She swallowed hard, and strained to pull her words from the darkest and most horrifying corners of her memory. It was several seconds before she could expound on her previous statement, and it was to tell this Imperial something that even her closest friends had never suspected. "The worst of my servitude was in a brothel, and they didn't hire workers. They bought them. Or... failing that... sometimes they kidnapped them."
It was a wonder to her that he could sympathize with slaves and yet make no distinction in his mind between a victim and a criminal under his laws and codes. Even if there were no reason to spare sex workers moral culpability and accompanying punishment... was he really so comfortable with such sweeping condemnation?
"It's a hard thing to sell some part of yourself that's supposed to be yours alone. Just for you. Your body. Your freedom. ...Your conscience. Sharing it is one thing, but bartering it off like that... it's painful, but common." She stopped fussing with their dinner utensils and locked her dark brown eyes on his. "Can you really be sure that you haven't done it yourself?"Edited by: Alema Nilim at: 10/15/07 11:37 am
Imperial General
Posts: 54
(10/15/07 11:59 am) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
So he sat, his own ideals and beliefs being torn apart by someone who had been through it. Certainly his fellow Imperials had to be able to figure out when one was forced into such things and when one was doing it by choice? Maybe before, but now? There was no longer a distinction necessary, it was likely the soldiers stormed in and grabbed everyone they could find.
Did her being forced to do it though, make it acceptable? No it certainly did not, nor did it make her the criminal though. He had been taught by what the norm was and he had agreed with his parents views on such things. But to see someone who had gone through it, not just seen it happen, been it, and to have her explain a second angle as to why it happened made him truly think. It didn't change his perspective that it was wrong to sell the flesh of ones self, it merely made him realize that they all didn't do it by choice. He now found one acceptable reason as to why it would happen, being forced as labor to do it. But to say that is the only way they could make money or to do it simply for fun? A sickening thought.
"Now wait just a minute," he responded agitated by her accusation that he had sold himself for such things, but his words faded as he sat back and absorbed exactly what she had said. Had he sold himself? Not necessarily his flesh, but himself into servitude? Well of course, that was what the military was. His own eyes leaving hers for a moment before returning the gaze. "I had sold myself to my nation when I signed up years ago as a grunt in the Imperial military. I have since worked my way past servitude and now operate in its ranks by choice."
"Does that mean I agree with everything? No, but its still my country and I would rather be there to defend it than to see it fall." He stopped for a moment and thought. "Daesha, you have lived what sounds like a difficult life. I mean, I signed up to fight, I knew it would be difficult, you were forced into it. How have you stayed strong and been able to keep pushing forwards?" Julius couldn't help but ask. He had seen so many people who had much less happen to them just snap and be lost for the rest of their lives. Many times he had been sent in with a group of troopers to stop them after they snapped and went on a rampage. What held her together, what was her glue?
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Now that was a personal question.
Alema laid aside her post-dinner chore and sat for a moment looking down at her hands. She'd never been asked such a thing and she'd never asked it of herself, either. Perhaps that was part of the answer, not thinking about how deeply and irretrievably she had been changed by her life.
She began, "We've got this saying, my people. 'You can't fight a heatstorm. Just wait it out.' I think sometimes doing that gets me into trouble, keeps me from reaching out for things I want. Keeps me from letting myself want anything. But it's how we live. You keep living, dealing with what you're handed and hoping that your lot will get better, because Ryma'at only knows what's coming for you next and why."
Fate. How strongly had fate and duty tied her to everyone and everything she loved? Wasn't it equally true that her duty had eventually driven her from them before gaining any satisfaction of her own? Troubled, Alema was faced once again with the cruelty of the fruits of her diligence.
"I wasn't raised to hope I'd be free. I knew they would sell me from the start, and because I did what I was ordained to do, I ended up with a man who wasn't so bad. My family hopefully had enough money to support the younger ones and they only had to sacrifice one daughter to save everyone. I accepted it and I was all right for a while. When I got selfish and left him I ran from my duty... I paid."
She could only hope that her family still thought she was dead. It was the only way for them to continue upholding the honor of her name and her kin. If they didn't have to find out how selfish and petty she'd been, they wouldn't have to be ashamed of her, or of themselves for raising a girl who didn't understand her place. She'd wanted her own life, and where had it gotten her?
"The lesson was clear. You're born to do what you're born to do. Some people are born to rule over others. Some people are born to live great lives and others never leave home. Some people are born to have identities and lives of their own while others are little more than sacrifices for the others."
She stared down into the grass and said vehemently, her voice low and rough with tears she refused to shed. "That doesn't make it fair. It isn't right. It just means there's nothing I can do."
With a deep breath she swallowed again, blinking a few times to clear her vision. "So you endure it." She shrugged almost dismissively. "I was raised to believe I can endure anything, and there's really so little of me to destroy in the first place... I wonder if anybody ever could."
Alema laughed, a dry and mirthless noise. She could finally meet his eyes again. "I won't lie. I hope I never find out for sure, but all I can do is hope. It's not under my control. Best I can do is hang on and do what I'm supposed to do. Hope I don't screw things up again, y'know?" She scratched the back of her head absently. "Sorry. I guess that was kind of an unnecessarily long answer."
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