Vanaprastha [Complete]“Whatever you do, make it an offering to me -- the food you eat, the sacrifices you make, the help you give, even your suffering.”
Alema had certainly caused and experienced enough suffering in the recent past. In her experience suffering was not always the inevitable result of action by herself and others. Cause and effect was not the only source. Sometimes suffering itself was a sign that something was wrong. In this case, Alema had eventually decided that her suffering gained her nothing.
When she'd met the first mate of the Crimson Ferret's Revenge, Saede Taggart, she had given Alema badly needed assistance. It was a chance occurrence that would be repeated. The next confluence had been during the Imperial invasion of Myrkr. She had been in a certain place at a certain time, relaying messages from one party to another simply because they were there to be relayed. Alema had been in the right place at the right time to perform a specific function, and from that she had inferred that she ought to do it.
It had nearly resulted in her capture, torture, and eventual death. She had accepted this fate as the natural result of her actions, but some of the warriors she'd assisted had come to find her when it seemed clear that she had reached her end. Her continued existence was owed to them. One she never saw again. One of them had been a member of the crew of this ship, her ship. Her crew.
Time passed and Alema found that once again she was in a place and time to perform a helpful function for the people who had taken her in so willingly. It was her duty and her fate to perform that function. After all, if she chose otherwise the job wouldn't get done and what would she be doing instead? Nothing important.
Friendships grew, at least of a sort. With young Inson Veritas she found someone dedicated to the wellbeing of his crew and willing to undertake menial and occasionally degrading tasks in order to ensure that things were done properly. He understood, or would have if Alema had approached him with the need for it. Serrena and Nathaniel Alcine had always seemed somewhat lost to her, particularly Serrena. Always dragged down beneath a sea of pain and drug abuse, the young dancer had always been too overwhelmed by her own problems to be a true friend to Alema.
But yet again... Alema had never asked it of her. Who could say what she was capable of?
Then there was Savin. The warrior who had risked a brutal death for the sake of a voice on his comm, a woman he'd never met. It had started as a respect for the honorable Mandalorian tempered with charmed annoyance at his childlike obsession with food, sweets, and toys (though for him this meant guns). For a long time, weeks... months... her memory of his concern for a stranger and dedication to the men and women who trusted him began to suffocate under the weight of his everyday manner.
It wasn't enough that he couldn't seem to keep his attention on anything but guns or sex. It wasn't enough that Savin was so busy chasing what Alema couldn't give that he never saw what she could. It was finally enough that he couldn't separate her from his warped and empty perspective. He couldn't see that she was different, much less why that might be so. It took a long time for him to realize she couldn't be expected to fit into a world of partying and casual sex. Even then, it never occurred to him that it was because she needed more.
But was it Savin's fault if she'd never told him so?
In the end he and Serrena had found one another. They seemed to make each other happy, and Alema was grateful for that even as it tore at her. She knew why it was happening, and that she could have stopped it. When she began to resent them, she always reminded herself of the part she played. She let it happen. Even now she could tear everything apart, bend her will over them and force them to submit to her needs.
“The mind acts like an enemy for those who do not control it.”
But she'd remained silent. It wasn't merely consideration for Serrena, who needed companionship and support far more than Alema did, though that was a large part of it. Belonging, kindness, love... these were things Alema felt as keenly and wanted as badly as any other living thing. The difference between Serrena and Alema was that Alema did not need them. She could endure without them indefinitely and nothing would change.
Edited by: Alema Nilim at: 10/30/07 5:22 pm
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
There were other reasons for Alema's silence. She knew, despite the haze of desire and resentment and loneliness hovering at the edges of her mind, that she wasn't just wrong to want what Serrena has. It wasn't merely selfish. It was evil. It wasn't Alema's place to want, to pursue. The very consideration of such things was more than disturbing; it was obscene, nearing blasphemy in scale.
Things had progressed slowly, and at the start Alema had seen her second dim flicker of evolution and change. Like the glistening of faraway water seen through the thick growth of a forest, she could not know what she was looking at, only that it lay ahead and that maybe... maybe she wanted it. The first had been the night she knew her old relationship with Savin was over, and faced the exhilarating but frightening prospect of a friendship she hadn't predicted. The second teasing glance of hope had ended much like the first. Just like Savin before him, Jon had found someone else, several someones by the latest estimations.
“The mind is restless and difficult to restrain, but it is subdued by practice.”
So she held quiet, and kept to herself. Swallowing one more secret, choking on one more lie. Strengthening her resolve yet again, until someday there would be no breaching it and no yielding.
She knew it was impossible to fight the blasting savage force of the heatstorm and survive.
But what if she had tried?
Would things have been different if Alema had fought the inertia of her life? Would things have been worse, or might they have been better? Anything. Any chance. Any difference.
But she hadn't. So it didn't matter.
As long as her duty had lain with the crew, Alema had stayed. If they needed her on the bridge, she would be on the bridge. If they needed a signal decrypted or a security program sliced, she would be online. If they needed her to cook dinner, or breakfast, or a late snack, she would be in the galley. If the buttons or zippers on their flight suits came loose, she would have a needle and thread. If they needed a sympathetic ear that asked for no sympathy in return, Alema could offer that best.
Now there was nothing. There was nobody to serve, and nothing Alema could do for them that was not already being done by someone else. All that was left was to watch while they passed her by and passed beyond any need for her.
So Alema had made her decision. The newness of her hopes was gone, tarnished down to the dull bronze reality that she was aiding neither herself nor anyone else by remaining in their lives and allowing them to remain in hers.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
If the twi'lek could have gone home she would have, but she didn't have the will to face the questions, the potential shame and anger from the family that had given her up as a sacrifice to the Goddess that their family might survive, that her younger siblings might have a life. She couldn't jeopardize them simply because she wanted something. In the end Alema sought her solitude elsewhere. Velusia was beneath the notice of most powers in the galaxy, and even the underworld she'd adopted as her environment and clan had only the barest of presences there.
There was so much to atone for, but Alema took solace in the fact that at least she had not betrayed herself again. At least she had not split her honor asunder for the sake of selfishness. She'd learned her lesson well the first time, and knew what pain that brand of chaos could cause. No, this time she'd done her duty, and now her duty was done. It was time to be alone.
She had come to the Revenge with nothing, and what she owned she would leave there. Perhaps someday in the near future she would reclaim her life and take her place among friends again, but for now she wanted only what she could prove was her own. A few articles of clothing, some cooking utensils, and her pet snake Haly. The python's terrarium was the main possession Alema brought with her that could not be justified as necessary for her survival. At least this way she could still care for her pet; forsaking her crew would not mean abandoning him.
Before she had left them she'd thrown aside the veneer of prim and anxious modesty that had separated her from the crew for so long. The last member of the crew that Alema intended to care for had finally begun to find her own path, and Alema knew that it was time. For the taciturn and submissive slave girl, Alema had danced in full view of all the people she could have known, and could have depended on had things been different. It was one blazing moment of freedom and honesty after a dark and suffocating cloud of lies, and they deserved at least that much before she left them.
The crewman who had flown her down had asked her no questions. He didn't know her well enough for that, and Alema had picked him for that reason. She was a bridge officer, and he'd likely assumed that she simply wasn't at liberty to share her priorities or agenda. It meant that she didn't have to lie. She was so tired of lies. Through her lies she had guided and protected so many of her friends, and through those very same lies she had poisoned and damned her own future with them. There could be nothing for her there now.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Velusia was a chance to experience freedom as the others knew it. She would have no one to serve but herself because there would be no one else within reach. Alema would be alone and that meant she would not merely be safe, but also that she would be whole. She would share no part of herself, no more selling or trading her talents and her happiness for the happiness of those she served. Perhaps, after having served them so completely, she would finally have atoned for the twisted and evil fruits of her flight from duty so many years before. Perhaps now she could truly regain the strength and grace that was hers by right, promised to her by her Goddess.
Perhaps now it was finally over.
Alema stood in the shade of a cave overhang. The deeper caves would be unsafe, she knew. The crust of this planet was too unstable for her to retreat into the deepest recesses of this planet. This would have to be enough. The twi'lek stretched out on the stone to watch the sun set over the water and allowed an understanding to seep from the cool rock of the cave into her skin. She was alone here. For kilometers in every direction there was not a single living creature who knew her face, who knew how far she would go for her duty simply because she had no choice.
Alema was alone, and for the first time in months... there was hope.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema spent the next several days in the same t-shirt and jeans, a Corellian fashion that she'd taken a liking to. Minimalist and non-descript, they were the new ascetic's robes, and it meant that Alema didn't have to think about her appearance anymore. A new first. There was no one here to impress, no attentions to attract or fend off. There was nothing but her own self and this place, all water and stone around her.
For the first week she relied on a few provisions she'd brought with her, but set herself quickly to learning which things she could eat and what to do with them. This modest challenge to her culinary skills was the only thing Alema had to distract her from her own meditations, and even as her lack of activity frustrated her, she did have to admit that it was part of the point of such a self-imposed exile. No distractions, no stumbling blocks.
Left alone with her thoughts, Alema mulled over the words spoken by the last member of her former crew to truly need her. "Daughters of the Goddess we both have been, and both have been found worthy." She wouldn't have believed it from anyone else. No one else could have understood what being worthy of the Goddess' attention and blessings meant. Kari, though. Kari understood obligation, the endurance that drove a woman to work tirelessly and thanklessly day after day simply because it was what she was supposed to do.
Now there was nothing to do and no one to serve but herself. This was true freedom, the freedom to consider herself simply because there was nothing more important to interfere. Now that she had the choice to sit and sort out where she ended and the world began. That border, once painfully blurred and unclear, was beginning to become easier to draw, easier to defend. With the distance that self-awareness afforded, Alema began to decide that perhaps she'd paid her debt after all. Perhaps after all these years she had finally proven to herself and the universe that she wasn't the selfish girl she once was, running from the right and honorable duty laid upon her by fate.
She'd made her sacrifices, and every moment of pain she'd suffered for the sake of duty she'd offered to Ryma'at in penitence. Perhaps it had finally been enough.
Now all that remained was this final purifying silence and solitude. Maybe she could prove Kari right. Maybe now she really was worthy.
Imperial General
Posts: 32
(10/8/07 2:48 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Leave. Perhaps the greatest time of the year for Julius. He got away from the military for a time and was able to just go and do whatever he wanted without having to worry about a report or anything. He still had to carry a radio in case there was an absolute emergency. He'd made his request for leave very simple, in his time off that he'd built up over the year he had decided he was going to camp out on an island for the entire time. He knew it was dangerous, crazy, and his superiors said no, but he was going to anyways. It was what he had wanted to do, something where he didn't stay cooped up in big artificial building that tried to look like nature.
This was nature.
Stepping down from the hired independent shuttle, so that no one would suspect him to be an Imperial, he grabbed his pack and slung it onto his back. He grunted slightly, he hadn't been directly on field in years, it was good to have the feeling of needing to carry equipment once again. He had on a pair of hiking boots, loose fitting jeans to allow for more mobility and a t-shirt with a light wind breaker on. His pack just held the basic necessities, this was his moment to get away from the supervising of the military and to return to being a grunt, minus the being shot at, or so he hoped. If not, he had brought along a blaster for defense and for scrounging around for live food.
Watching the shuttle lift off was like taking the load of the world off his shoulders. He was free from contact with the outside world. Just him and nature now. And Velusia was beautiful, unfortunately it was also the home to scum, so he'd have to make sure he was on his toes here. Turning away from the water, the landing having to be done near the shore due to the tree line, Julius made his way into the woods.
Hands darted out before him to move branches and vines away from his face as he moved through. The sounds of nature and the crunching of his boots the only noises that his ears picked up. A loud squawking to his right made his hand tense on the holstered blaster on his waist as he turned, only to see a bird staring down at him from the trees. "@#%$ jumpiness, there is no one out here." He talked to himself before continuing onwards. His goal was the, he guessed, mountain that lay in the middle of the island.
Arriving at the base took much longer than he had anticipated. The forest having slowed him down much more than he had expected. But it wasn't smart to bed down right here in the forest, especially if it started to rain. Instead he decided he'd move up the mountain and try to find an outcropping or cave to sleep for the night. Perhaps even a permanent shelter while he spent his time here. Finding an outcropping was easy enough, he only had walked up the mountain for a couple of minutes before he found one that would suit his needs. A small outcropping that went out little more than four feet. A location where a boulder must have once rested before it cut lose and rolled down the hill.
Setting his pack down, he made his way around and gather a few sticks that were in the area and dropped them under the outcropping. Making his way back down the hill, he grabbed some broken branches, moss, and fallen leaves and carried them back up to his camp. With the sun nearly gone now, he quickly ran back down to the forest and grabbed whatever fallen sticks he could and then carried them back up. It wasn't the greatest pile of wood for a fire, but it should be enough to keep coals burning until the morning.
Organizing the wood and stuffing moss and leaves in between them, he used a lighter to start the leaves in multiple areas and added a few pieces of paper to make sure the flames took off. Satisfied after working with it for a few minutes, he laid back against the side and watched the flames until he found himself falling asleep. Smoke making its way around the outcropping and into the sky.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema fell into an easy routine, each day largely indistinguishable from the next. Days of the week, months, dates, these things ceased to have any meaning. Alema had intended to trek to some settlement nearby every week or two to check her messages, but beyond the first couple of days the desire left her.
It was just her and Haly. Each day so much like the last, the slow progression of time eroded away so much of the loneliness and bitterness Alema had refused to acknowledge for months. One by one she was forced to face each of the wounds left by the people who considered themselves her friends.
Eventually she came to accept her own part of their transgressions, but it took longer for her to accept theirs. These people had been held blameless not because of their own innocence, but because of Alema's need to lay upon herself all responsibility for her suffering. It was her duty, not their neglect or callousness, that she'd accepted as the cause. Further, it was her own choice to seek companionship and solace with hardened criminals. She could not have expected them to pull above their own problems long enough to notice hers.
They could have, though. A question or two, a concerned glance, a quiet request might have made all the difference. As skilled as Alema was in hiding everything about herself that mattered, the fact that all of her friends lived day to day completely wrapped up in their own problems had only made her job easier. It was not until she could accept this reality that she could begin to forgive them.
Perhaps Savin had been too distracted by sex and eventually his obligations to his people to notice that something was wrong with Cobalt. Perhaps if Serrena hadn't been so hopelessly devoted to spice the dancer would have noticed that someone she considered a friend may have needed her. Perhaps Jon had betrayed her expectations and disappointed her when she most needed someone to trust.
It would not be a stretch to guess that everyone Alema had called a friend simply didn't know anymore how to be one. Too much of their own pain and their own suffering had killed or buried anything in them that could have spurred them to help her.
She did not need to let the same happen to her. The distance Alema found brought detachment, but she couldn't bring herself to coldly disregard her old allies simply because they were too broken themselves to lend a hand to her when she needed it. She couldn't hate them, but she no longer needed to subject herself to them, either. There was little they could ever have offered her, and Alema knew that they were done with her now, too.
Alema had for companions now the leaves of trees and the scent of water on the wind. The voices of birds singing to no one in particular brought comfort where the words of her friends had not. The dirt under her feet was with her always, and the water of the stream where she bathed and washed her clothes seemed to know her better in its gentle caresses than any well-meaning but clumsy and ignorant living creature.
She didn't need them anymore, and there was no longer any pain of separation attached to the thought. The twi'lek was grateful to them for the safety they'd given her, and for pulling her from the years-long semiconsciousness in which she'd been languishing before they'd found her. If she owed them thanks for nothing else, it was for finally giving her the chance to pay her debt.
Now she was free, and that act of emancipation would never have been possible if they had been the companions she'd needed. The balance of the universe was inherent even in this turn of events. They had played their part and so had she. In the end, things had turned out well. Their lives were no longer hers because she was no longer bound to them by sin or penitence.
There was only her life now, and it was a blessedly quiet and solitary one.
Earlier in the morning she'd been digging for roots to cook with dinner, and found that her clothes had quickly gotten filthy again. She stepped down into the river and laid the few garments she owned now on a rock in the river. An opportunity to bathe wouldn't be so bad, anyway. She dunked her head under the cold, clear water and emerged again, reaching up to pull down a shirt to scrub it beneath the surface.
After years and years of sin and guilt and failure clinging to her skin, it felt good to be alone and be clean again. It was such a simple thing, but it seemed that everything here was a symbol of Alema's new life, a symbol of the renewal she'd found here.
Imperial General
Posts: 33
(10/8/07 5:29 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
The sun brought Julius out from his slumber. He rolled away from it to go back to bed but quickly changed his mind and sat up. He needed to make sure everything was still around and to make the most of the day instead of having to work against the sun like last night had been. The fire still smouldered and it did not appear that it had rained at all, so he could have slept down on the forest ground. But the rock was higher and he was able to see into the forests to see if anyone was coming, as well as to be able to spot locations of streams. Cleanliness would be something he had to stay on top of. No longer did he have a nice shower, not he got to go into a cooling stream. Heh, it'd be a chilly wake up call in comparison to the hot water, but it would also be natural and not artificially pumped in. That itself made it worthwhile and better than the showers.
Standing up, he grabbed the blaster from his pack and holstered it on his side. He would have to re-stoke the fire so he didn't have to waste anymore lighter fluid to start it again. Grabbing the hatched he had brought along, he mad his way down the path to the woods. He attacked the first log he found with vigor. Being slightly rotted allowed the blade to break it up quicker and Julius to break through with much less effort and less time spent. After finished that trunk and cutting up another one, he began to curse being in the Officer core and no longer on the front lines. He wasn't out of shape, but he certainly wasn't in prime shape. For his age he was in better shape than most men, the exception being heavy laborers or those who had not advanced in rank.
Hanging the hatchet from his belt, he grabbed up a couple of logs with each arm and carried them back up the hill, stacking them next to the fire for use that night. Making three more trips, he set up the fire again so that upon his return it would still be burning. Sitting back in front of it, he wiped his hand across his forehead, wood pieces and dirt replacing the sweat that had been on his forehead. He no longer looked like he was a General in the Imperial Military. But, this was living. This was what he wanted to do when he finally ended his career with the Empire. He didn't want to advance to High Command, he wanted to retire with military honors and move to the wilderness.
Deciding that he needed to wash, sweat soaking his shirt and pants, he left the hatched behind and made his way towards the river he had spotted while standing on the outcropping above his camp. The trek wasn't as long as it had looked like it would be. He made great time through the woods, perhaps it was the cooling of the water that called to him in his exhausted, hot and sweaty state. A splash in would certainly be a refreshing way to start off the rest of the day.
When the river could be seen and heard, he took off into more of a run and tossed his shoes in front of him just as he left the forest line. Arms already pulling the shirt up and over his head as his mind quickly informed him that he had not brought a towel of anything. Then the day would become a day of laying next to the river to dry the clothes. Shirt finally off his head, revealing a torso that had once been that of an elite fighting soldier. An Imperial insignia and what had been his Stormtrooper number slightly smugged out tattoo on his right arm. What had been muscle had deteriorated slightly and he wasn't nearly as tone as the soldiers now, but he was still slim and fit.
Just as his feet touched the cool water, he tossed the shirt behind him and dove in. The water rushing over him in a cooling wave as he swam out slightly before resurfacing. His hands ran though his thinning hair that was slightly receded, some people said he was balding, he claimed it was just strategically withdrawing. The excess weight from his pants still being on, a stupid thing on his part but he had wanted to get in the water, was easily felt and he decided he should move towards shore.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema heard a splash downstream, and there was no mistaking it. She wasn't alone. The shock of that realization alone froze her in place. She peeked around the rock her clothes were resting on like some sort of curious blue river nymph. She snatched the laundry from the rock and ducked down below the surface to yank a black t-shirt and at least a pair of underwear to cover her. Couldn't be running around naked as the day she was born, could she?
She stood up in the water again to peek over the rock. Despite her reluctance to break her solitude--certainly to do it without trousers on--she couldn't help but be curious at the presence of another person on what had begun to be "her" island. Her first inclination was to announce her presence; after all, it would be rude to watch someone bathing simply because she happened to notice them before they noticed her.
Just the same. There were too many worries to ignore. This planet, despite being her home, was also home to criminals of all varieties, from petty thieves to murderers and rapists. This was not the time or place to be making friends with strangers. Alema conceded one brief glance over the rock in case it was just local kids or housewives doing laundry like she herself was.
A man. And from the look of him, he'd spent time in combat or combat training. No good. Mercenary? Bounty hunter? Neither of these were particularly damning in themselves, since Alema had until recently been a pirate, but it meant he'd be more than a match for her if he were in a troublemaking mood.
Question was, could she get away from him or should she wait for him to go away? What would my mother do? she asked herself.
That was an easy answer. It just also happened to be somewhat unnerving.
She threw the remainder of her laundry back up on the rock with a wet slapping noise to get the stranger's attention. It was then she got a better look at his tattoo. Imperial. No good. Handle with care. But if he's here for me he already knows where I am, and running won't change that. The twi'lek pulled herself halfway up on the rock, her legs from the hips down still underwater. She crossed her arms on the stone and let the water run off her soaking wet black-clad form.
She raised her eyebrows and gave him a guarded smile, making it clear that he was the surprise guest here and not her. "Afternoon, stranger."
Imperial General
Posts: 34
(10/8/07 9:44 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
The sound of slapping caught his attention as he was just getting into the shallows to remove his soaked jeans. They were sticking to him now almost like a second skin and seemed to weigh three times as much as they should have. Turning towards the noise, he didn't bother looking at what made it, instead his gaze went to the blue twi'lek that was standing there, staring him down. He felt vulnerable, who knows how many people could be out there. Was she part of a thieves guild? No, no, thats silly. He took the thoughts out of his mind and his hand relaxed and moved away from the blaster in its holster.
Twi'leks, a xenomorph, what a cruel word to call someone. He never understood what the Empire had against the alien species, sure some were downright hideous, but the near humans had no reason to be exterminated. Julius remembered before the reign of the Imperial Intelligence Bureau when aliens were just disliked, not killed on the spot. But it didn't matter much, the girl there before him was in minimal danger to him, especially since she identified herself and didn't make Julius figure out someone was around.
It struck him then, after thinking about the way the Imperials currently treated aliens that he still had the tattoo on his arm. Slushing through the water, he acknowledged her hello with a wave as he took a few steps closer. A little more effort necessary as he was moving upstream, the feeling of assorted pebbles and dirt moving past his feet until he stopped. Distance still between them, but no longer would he have to shout or anything for her to hear him. "Greetings to you as well," he stared at her for a moment, perhaps out here for the same reason as he? "What would you being out here, Miss?" Twi'lek males were ugly as dogs, he never understood why the females would ever want to be near them. He brought his hand up and wipes some water from his eye and then lowered it again.
His next thoughts were whether she was armed. Certainly he didn't see a weapon, but she was also next to a large rock. If she was hiding one, he wouldn't know it until it was too late.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema pulled a pair of sopping wet trousers from the pile atop the rock. "Laundry," she replied. "My name is Daesh'abondara. Daesha for short. If you'll excuse me a moment, please." With a distinctly saucy smile she dropped down into the water again with the trousers in hand.
Her mind was racing during the welcome pause brought by a very real need for clothing. He hadn't shot her on sight, and had addressed her civilly. He was also keeping a moderate distance between them. This meant that he was either a cold enough sociopath to befriend a woman before killing her, or he was a cruel enough Imperial to befriend a woman before dragging her into forced labor somewhere. Difficult to say, but the fact that he hadn't drawn a weapon on sight was hopeful. At least it meant she had a chance to control the situation.
Finally fully clothed and basically clean--if dripping cold water from every appendage including her lekku--Alema sat back up on the rock again, this time dangling naked blue toes in the water in front. There was no indication behind this casual and even childish demeanor of the constant calculations running through her mind. Either he was a threat, or he wasn't. If he was a threat she would have to be on her guard. If he wasn't, perhaps he would like some tea.
"So? Don't often see Imperials wandering around alone in the woods. On this planet an Imperial alone has more to worry about than a woman does. What brings you out here?"
Imperial General
Posts: 35
(10/8/07 10:21 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
He nodded when she said laundry. They were both here for the same reason. The chances of running into another person, especially doing laundry at the same time were absurd. It likely meant there were a lot more people in this little island or they fell into one hell of a coincidence. But when she said her name, he just stared at her for a moment. Her name had been what? He was great full that she at least wasn't offended by people calling her Daesha for short. Julius would have slaughtered her full name trying to pronounce it. That was one thing, aliens always had difficult names to pronounce. Though he figured that was attributed to the change in language.
Seeing her disappear under water gave him a feeling of safety. Either she was holding more cards than he knew, which he doubted, or she wasn't intimidated by him being there, which he certainly would prefer. Especially since he had no intention of ruining this vacation by having to deal with criminals.
When she resurfaced he was standing in the same location but turned slightly and looking around at some of the flora of the forests. Hearing and seeing her out of the corner of his eye, Julius turned back towards her. She would have a lot more clothing to dry out than him. When Daesha sat, he moved in an arc towards the rock next to her, making sure to keep near the same distance while talking. "Tattoo is a giveaway isn't it?" He smirked and continued, "Got that fourteen years ago and its been a curse every time I go on leave. I'd swear the military does it so we don't go on leave so much. And with that, I am on leave. I came here because nature is where I would much rather be than cramped in an office doing paperwork." Finally closing the distance slightly, he held his hand out to the other rock, "may I?"
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
"Daesha" stretched out one arm to indicate the seat in question. "Feel free. It's not my rock."
Interesting, she mused. He seems pretty keenly aware of the problems of his affiliation, and is making it clear that he didn't necessarily get the tattoo by choice, and perhaps wouldn't have if he had his way. Why?
There was no doubt that he was walking on eggshells. Friendly, easy tone... no sudden movements... perhaps he was used to xenomorphs behaving like cornered animals in his presence. Even as Alema found him charming and approachable, his behavior was so unexpected that even his casual friendliness put her on her guard.
Still. She imagined that there would have to be at least a few imperial soldiers who were not complete maniacs. Best to reward and encourage his good behavior in the hopes that it would continue.
"I can understand needing a break. Gets old, breathing everyone else's recirculated air for months. For a while I'd been spending so much time aboard a ship that my feet seldom touched real living soil. Sometimes you just..." She shrugged. "Need a break from being official and doing your part for the great grand machine." In fact, this one probably had it at least as bad in that regard as Alema did.
"I do have to ask, though. Why come to Velusia? I mean, I'll be the last one to deny that it's a lovely vacation spot, but you've got to admit... an Imperial wandering around on a planet that's largely controlled by the scum of the universe..." She shrugged and asked lightly, "Begs the question of whether you might have some other reason to be here."Edited by: Alema Nilim at: 10/9/07 5:06 pm
Imperial General
Posts: 36
(10/9/07 5:19 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Julius seated himself on the rock. He knew it wasn't her rock, but he certainly didn't want to set her on edge by just approaching and sitting on the rock directly next to her as a complete stranger without her permission. For one he was an Imperial and she knew that because of the tattoo, that seemed to put everyone on edge that he would be around, even old acquaintances. The second was that he was a male and she was a female. And if it was true, it was just the two of them for a good distance. If anything, that may put her more on edge than him being an Imperial.
He nodded and smiled about her comments about getting away from work. She must have been in some sort of officiating position as well. For what? Something aboard a ship it sounded like. Grand machine. That meant she was working with a group and certainly not on her own. Mentioning Velusia like she lived here and the scum that was around. Outlaw. Not that it surprised him very much, he was on Velusia, the a criminal hub and the port of the Crimson Ferrets Revenge. But that was not why he was here, contrary to what she seemed to believe.
"Why here? Because there is no way I will ever run into a colleague. As for being an Imperial, I didn't expect to be sharing a river with anyone so I never anticipated anyone finding out that I had been with the Empire." He looked at Daesha for a moment. Blue, it was odd but it was also no different that a different colored human. It was simply the color of the her flesh. That and the lack of hair, otherwise there were essentially the same. Why persecute them? He shrugged it off, "pardon me," he leaned forward and extended his right hand, "my name is Julius." He had little reason to lie about his name, he could only imaging how many Julius' there were in the Empire.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]No way he'll ever run into a colleague. Alema had to chuckle to herself privately at that one. They were here for the same thing, though it meant that arguably Velusia was more useful to him for it than for her. Certainly there were fewer Imperials than criminals associated with the Revenge.
Plus, he had this odd way of referring to his time with the Empire in the past tense. It was either the truth or the most efficient lie for the situation.
"Sorry to interfere with your plans for solitude, Julius," she answered as she reached over and took his hand in hers. The opportune moment to cause her trouble had passed. At least, the sort of acute trouble Alema had been inclined to expect. Anything after this was unnecessary and inefficient if he simply wanted to capture her or kill her. Why introduce himself?
Alema couldn't think of any purpose for which this man would require her compliance and even goodwill. Perhaps he wasn't lying after all. "As I said, these aren't my rocks and this isn't my river, so you have as much claim to it this afternoon as I. Although..." She laid a finger against her lips thoughtfully. "I suppose the fact that I got here first makes me your hostess. In light of that and especially factoring in how polite you've been, my obligation is clear." It might be nice to have some company, especially if she knew that they could go their separate ways soon anyway. She shrugged. "So have you eaten anything? I dug up some clams on the beach earlier to steam them for dinner. Wouldn't take too long to go find some extra."
Imperial General
Posts: 37
(10/9/07 7:23 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Hostess? If she was a criminal she wasn't anything like the ones he'd had brought in to do time. They'd have fired on the spot, perhaps she wasn't one and merely a native of Velusia. It was those people that he wanted to save...his thoughts stopped there. She was an alien, she'd receive no aid that and merely be put into more danger than she already lived it. Obligation? "Daesha, you hold no obligation to me whatsoever. We are merely two travelers who happened to choose the same time to wash."
He smiled, "but you're probably a better cook than I am, so I tell you what. I will go find us clams and I can offer a fire that should still be burning." The key word being the fire should still be burning, not that he'd have difficulty relighting it if it was out. He wasn't sure if she'd accept such an offer so he continued, "that or a fire could simply be built here next to the river. I would hate to intrude on your day anymore than I already have." It didn't bother him any, socializing was always an enjoyable activity for him. But he was unsure what she thought of speaking with an Imperial.
Chuckling, he continued, "if its all the same with you though, I'd like to finish the reason I came here." With that his hands went to the belt around his pants and he pulled it off and tossed it, attached holster with blaster, onto the shore line. It didn't bother him at all to have another person present while he bathed, it was how the military worked. They saved costs wherever possible and the showers were definitely cheap. "I will of course, go downstream if you'd prefer."
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema smirked and waved him on. "Bathe wherever you like. Far be it for me to interfere." She was immensely grateful that he'd tossed aside his weapon. It was certainly not his only advantage over her, but it was a good one. Still more telling was the fact that he was willing to undress in front of her. That was an exposed position if ever Alema had seen one. Speaking of seeing... "I promise I won't stare," she continued. "I need to finish the rest of my laundry anyway."
Didn't say I wouldn't look, she noted privately. I said I wouldn't STARE. After all Julius was still an Imperial, even when he was only a bathing Imperial. She spared the occasional glance over toward him to ensure that he wasn't reaching for his weapon or creeping up on her, but for the most part she returned to her thoughts as she hit her clothes on rocks to beat the mud out of them.
The way he described the military, that no-nonsense cost-minimizing approach and the tendency to see soldiers as property to be branded... it confirmed some of her anxieties about the Empire even as it earned Julius some of her sympathy. Despite the fact that Julius had probably entered the service willingly and arguably had more opportunity for advancement and autonomy than someone in Alema's position, there were similarities.
Well, it's not my position anymore, she had to remind herself. Alema had accustomed herself to the idea of being a free creature and was no longer perturbed by the idea, but she still occasionally caught herself in the old thought patterns. It would take time and vigilance before she finally broke the habit of thinking of herself as inherently bound to the service of another.
When the rest of her clothing was finally clean enough to be laid out to dry, Alema took another glance over her shoulder to see how her new Imperial friend was faring. Until something in his manner spooked her or until he took issue with 'fraternizing with the enemy,' Alema would return his amiable courtesy.
Imperial General
Posts: 38
(10/10/07 2:45 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
He nodded as thanks to her response before stripping down and tossing his pants to the side. Public nudity hardly bothered him, though after playing sports in school and then showering with friends and unknowns alike, he didn't think anyone would have any trouble. He didn't really have any problem with her being around at all. A person to talk to, maybe she even had soap. He smirked as he dove back into the water. He wondered that even if she did have soap, if she would share it.
Surfacing from the initial dive, he treaded water for a minute and watched the twi'lek bashing her clothes against the rocks. If anything it told him what he would have to do if they got terribly coated in much, especially since he had forgone brining a brush to try and scrub it out with. He made sure not to stare long, especially if she happened to turn around. He didn't want her to think he was some awkward guy just staring at her in wet clothes. Chuckling, he quieted down before raising his voice and calling to Daesha, "Would you happen to have any shamp-" his voice trailed off as he remembered that she had no hair. Himself bursting into laughter. "Never mind, perhaps soap?"
He didn't think that mentioning a hair product would be offensive. It had just been so long since he'd been around an alien species that he'd forgotten that not everyone was exactly the same. Sure their were bald people, but she didn't have any hair whatsoever, nor ever could. And if he couldn't get any soap, he'd just have to rinse and deal without being completely clean. Its not like it would kill him, he'd done it before when he was on campaigns and such.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema couldn't help but laugh. She knew what he was starting to ask for, and marvelled to herself that he even bothered. How humans could stand the hanks of stringy dead protein hanging all over their heads was beyond her understanding, particularly with the amount of maintenance and specialized paraphernalia it required.
Poor humans. They led hard and hairy lives.
"I have some, yes." She laid her clothes on the rock and took a few long, somewhat labored steps down through the water toward Julius. She held out her arm with a bar of soap on her palm. "I bartered it from a woman living on a nearby island. She's just a long walk and a short swim from here, so if you run out of whatever you've got, she might be able to help you out."
She handed him the soap, rinsed her hands off in the water, and gave him some space again. Even if he didn't seem much concerned with the potential awkwardness of the situation, Alema wanted to ensure that she kept well away from whatever line of appropriate nude socialization Julius drew. He wasn't an unattractive man, but this didn't need to turn into a holoserial where two lonely strangers met in an isolated river, overcame their differences and found love where they-- no. Just no. Totally unnecessary.
Imperial General
Posts: 39
(10/10/07 4:32 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
He wasn't that surprised that she had soap, but he was surprised that she was bringing it out to him. Julius had expected her to throw it to him or something. Walking out hadn't really even crossed his mind. Some trust. Which was a good thing, he had no intentions of harming the girl and if they were indeed both on the same island, it would be likely that they'd run across each other again. Especially if she still planned on cooking the clams later.
Grabbing the soap from her, he thanked her. Another person nearby? Maybe this wasn't as deserted of an area as he had originally thought. Lathering up his hands he dropped the float and watched it for a moment to make sure it did float. When it stayed surfaced, he looked back up to see her backing up slightly. He chuckled and began to soap up his chest and arms. Julius wasn't sure if she was curious about him or just as open as he was that she stayed nearby instead of leaving all together while he was bathing.
When did he get here? Certainly he couldn't say he arrived the day before. If she did know people, he could be traced and then compromised if she was an outlaw. Instead, "Early this morning, just set up camp before heading down this way to wash up." Looking back down, he realized the soap was down, almost frantically he looked around him before he spotted it making its way downstream. Wading in that direction, it didn't take him long to find out there was a drop off. One minute he was there, the next there was a splash and he was gone.
Surfacing he quickly wiped his eyes, "I guess that works for rinsing as well." He didn't particularly say it to anyone, especially since she wasn't even facing Daesha. Grabbing the soap, he turned and swam back towards where his feet could again touch the bottom. Covering his hands again in soap he began washing his face. Sight gone because of the soap, he talked anyways, "what about you? How long have you been around?"
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]That recently? I guess it'd explain why I hadn't seen him here before now. I may have to keep in mind that this place is convenient for him and head elsewhere when I need to be alone.
This was a huge change for Alema, planning her activities around the ease of being alone rather than the ease of assisting others. A month ago she'd have been seriously considering inviting this man back to her cave where her cooking utensils were so that she could make something really nice for them. Now, though. Even he was friendly enough, she wasn't sure she wanted him knowing where she lived. Even a friendly visit wouldn't really be welcome.
Alema repressed a smile at his antics. If Kiefer was surprised by the demeanor of this hardened criminal, she was at least as surprised by him. It was easy to forget that even Imperials were people, and she supposed they couldn't be oppressing the universe every minute of the day. It made it somewhat saddening that she still couldn't actually trust him. Letting him know anything that would pertain to his duties would put him in an awkward position, and likely one that would end poorly for Alema.
"Oh, I live here," she replied. It wasn't precisely an answer to his question, but it was close. "Left my job on a somewhat more permanent basis. Sometimes it's time to make a change and this fit the bill." She took a deep breath, and decided to ask a somewhat risky question, and one that would likely kill this tentative casual mood.
"I won't ask you anything detailed about your work because you arguably shouldn't tell me. But I will have to get this out there... why are you being so friendly? You and I both know the Empire's position on non-humans and here you are having a nice chat over soap with one of the slave races."
There were few things that brought out the traces of cynicism that shot through Alema's mind, but this particular topic was one of them. She didn't necessarily expect an honest answer, but the answer he gave would be telling. "So how do you get away with it? Being nice to xenomorphs when you're off-duty."Edited by: Alema Nilim at: 10/11/07 1:22 pm
Imperial General
Posts: 40
(10/11/07 1:56 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
He listened and nodded as she responded by saying that she lived there. Did she? Probably, he had little reason to doubt it, but he didn't recall seeing any sort of settlement from the air so she lived ruggedly. She was already retired. Wow, Julius was jealous at that, retired and living off the land. He was glad he was soaping up his face otherwise he'd be showing a surprised and green expression at her.
When she was getting ready to ask him, he already had guessed what she was going to ask. It made sense for her to inquire such a thing, he would have asked the same thing if he were in her shoes. He cringed when she mentioned slave races and waited until she finished asking all of her question. Raising his hand, he held up a finger to indicate 'just wait a second,' before he dunked himself back under water and wiped his face down.
Surfacing he wiped his eyes and stared over at Daesha. "How? Well its easy, I go to a different world and avoid Imperial contacts." He chuckled and then quickly stopped, "sorry, its really not funny. But not all Imperials despise non-human species. I know I don't, they are all the same." He looked down at his tattoo and tapped it with his hand. "Its much easier to be nice to them when they don't know I have this."
He held the soap in his hand and shrugged. "You wont offend me if you want me to leave. It would be completely understandable." The more lighter tones from joking around earlier were gone and his expression had turned more downtrodden. Julius really couldn't blame her if she hated every Imperial that lived. He cursed the tattoo on his arm and regretted meeting anyone here at the river. At least if they'd met in the woods he could have spoken to her as simply another person here. Instead he was an Imperial. That was really why he disapproved the xenomorph ideals of the Empire, because he disliked the same hatred returned by the aliens.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Alema listened impassively to his explanation and shrugged with one shoulder. It was a slightly more heartfelt response than she'd expected, and whether his sentiments were utterly useless or not, they didn't deserve to be rewarded with her scorn.
"Is the slavetrader's son as evil as the trader? Depends on what he tolerates from his father," she murmured mostly to herself. She didn't really want to know what Julius was like when he was on duty. She didn't want to know what he tolerated from the Empire or what compensation he felt they could give him. The twi'lek didn't want to know what profits he'd made from the suffering caused by his comrades and superiors. Free creatures and their lives were none of her business.
"It wouldn't be appropriate for me to ask you to leave when I've seen you do nothing to warrant it. You're a free man, you go where you please," she replied, this time to him directly. "I offered to eat with you even knowing you were an Imperial. The offer still stands."
Detachment. Beautiful thing. To neither disturb the world nor be disturbed by it. Its achievement was her sole reason for being here, and the closer she got the more bearable Alema found the universe became.
"But if I'm going to be sharing dinner with you, I need to go get the clams I harvested earlier." She turned and used a rock as a stepping stone to shore. "Keep the soap for now. I'll need it here for dishes later anyway. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Bring whatever you find on the beach back here and we can cook it."
With that, Alema scooped up her wet laundry and headed up through the trees. He was a puzzling man, and it was certain that they would have to be enemies if they learned too much about each other. Alema hoped that wouldn't happen. Alema hoped that he would simply finish his leave and then they'd go their separate ways after one nice evening around the campfire.
Imperial General
Posts: 41
(10/11/07 5:07 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
He didn't know how to reply to her. They didn't come out as necessary words of scorn, but they did burn. It was odd since words hardly harmed him since he had joined the military. But coming from one of the people his government held so much hatred for really opened his eyes. If only the bastards that persecuted them would interact with them instead of just calling them wrong and exterminating them. But who was he to give orders to an entire government body? He was just a General in charge of an army. Sure he could try a coup, get smashed or win like they had in the civil war. But quickly following their removal, the government fell into disarray and the IIB forces quickly returned with their xenomorph ideas.
Julius watched her disappear into the woods before tossing the soap onto the shoreline and following it out. Laying down in the grass, he went into thought as the sun dried his skin. He thought about what she had said again. He wondered exactly what it would be like to change places in life, have the aliens persecuting the humans. He shuddered at the thought. How many alien deaths were the cause of his forces, or hell, how many people had he directly killed when he was on the frontlines? No, that was war, people died. But the IIB just killed to kill. He'd seen it, he'd helped them. On Dantooine his forces had been used to raid out a hidden alien city that had been underground. Before then he'd had no qualms against the IIB, but after seeing that he realized how much wrong they were causing to the alien species.
Deciding he was dry enough, and unsure how long Daesha would actually be. Julius got up and pulled on his wet clothes, leaving his shirt off to keep drying on the rock, and rolling up the bottom of his pants so they were more like shorts. Grabbing his blaster, he put the belt back on and checked to make sure the blaster was still in working order. Aiming a tree, he leveled it on a knob and fired, the sound echoing as the knob on the tree turned to a burned black. Holstering it, satisfied that it was still workable, he made his was to the river. Wading through the shallows, he walked down the river looking for anything that could be considered edible.
Before getting too far, he realized that he had nothing to carry the clams or whatever in, so he turned back and grabbed his t-shirt. Letting it hang over his shoulder, he moved back down the shoreline, running occasionally across clams and putting them in the shirt that he had now tied up so it made a good makeshift bag. Figuring that he'd found enough for him to eat, he made his way back towards where they had been. His shoes and the soap being the only reason he recognized the area. Tying the shirt completely closed, he set it back in the water so the clams didn't die. Walking back up the shore onto the grass, he laid back down and stared up at the sky.
Thoughts raged through is mind again, but the clouds going overhead, the occasional bird, the sound of the running water all led him to slowly fall asleep.
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
The walk back to Alema's cave was purposefully long and circuitous. Now that someone knew she was here, she couldn't take the chance of leading him back to her home. Home, she thought. That's what it was now, wasn't it? But for once there was no one here to defend it but her. The isolation brought fear even as it sundered many of the chains that had been holding her back. Like all new freedoms.
When she heard the single blaster shot, she froze like a mouse after hearing the scream of an owl. Alema heard no one moving nearby, and the sound did not continue, so she warily continued picking her way back up the trail.
Once home, she took a few paces back into the cave to where she actually lived. She took Haly out of his terrarium and draped him over her neck, the familiar weight reminding her of the comforts she still had. They weren't much, but she appreciated them more now.
"Hey Haly. I might not be home tonight," she told him out of habit as she stroked his back and felt his body gradually warming from heat of the twi'lek's body. "I'm eating dinner with another man. Try not to be jealous."
The clams she'd dug up earlier were still in the basket in which she'd left them, and she carried it out of her cave balanced on the side of her hip. She stood with her dinner in one hand and gazed thoughtfully at the head of the trail downhill. This was the moment where everything changed, and she could sense it. Until now she'd been dealing with this stranger because circumstance had thrown him into her path. If she walked back, she would be choosing him over solitude.
Alema wasn't sure how to feel about that.
It was uncomfortable in principle, but that wasn't all that was bothering her. It meant that if anything that went wrong here she would have only her own choice to blame: this choice.
But wasn't it equally true that any fate destined for her was already on its way? What would happen would happen, and may as well have already. All that was left for her to do was follow the guidance of her own nature and the lessons she'd learned. If they led her astray it was because they had been intended to do so from the start.
The path was there, and Alema knew that even if she only stared down the trail now she would set her feet upon it eventually. The path was there to be walked, and she was here to walk it, for good or ill.
What can I do? she asked herself. Fate is fate, and in this shoreless ocean who can say she controls her destination?
Ducking under the trunk of a tree grown twisted in the wind and finally broken, Alema started down the trail toward the Imperial awaiting her. When she found the riverside again and saw him asleep there, her contemplative mood turned unexpectedly to sorrow.
Very suddenly she pitied the man. Branded and bonded to an organization that pretended he was a free man simply because he was a human one. But would a free man silence his own conscience for the sake of an order that did not even attempt to prove him wrong about them? He was tied by his own dark inertia to the Empire, even though he claimed he occasionally hid those ties from others.
Why hide it? Shame? Guilt? If it were, why continue to subject himself to the constant assaults on his moral autonomy? Either he really was willing to sacrifice a wide swath of the galaxy's population for the sake of his own species, or he simply did not have the will to stand apart from his masters. That she understood well and she did pity it, though the irony of a lifelong slave pitying an Imperial was not lost on her.
The shells of the clams she'd brought clicked against each other as she laid the basket next to the water. Standing at the river's edge, she called his name quietly but sharply enough to get his attention. "Julius. You awake?"
Imperial General
Posts: 42
(10/11/07 7:54 pm) Reply
Re: Vanaprastha [Closed]
Eyes opened at a sound, his ears taking a moment to figure out what it was. It was Daesha, his hand probably should have gone to his blaster right away but really he felt safe in the middle of nowhere. Instead he simply sat up and wiped his eyes. "Just resting my eyes, Daesha." A lie to an extent, but his eyes were resting. He just wouldn't admit that he was actually taking a nap, at least not right away. His pants had dried with the exception of the back of them, they stayed wet while against the grass, and he could feel pieces of grass sticking to his back.
Reaching over his back as he stood up, he tried to wipe away as much of it as he could before turning towards her. "Have a nice hike to get back home?" As he said it he turned and walked towards the edge of the trees and picked up his shoes and tossed them closer to the shore. Pointing towards his bundled up T-shirt in the water, "thats what I found. I don't think I've ever had fresh clams before, at least not ones I've gone out and gotten."
He chuckled and sat down on the shoreline. He didn't want to sit right next to her or any closer so she didn't feel awkward. Covering a yawn with his hand, he turned towards her. "So you must have been a chef in your former occupation? Or did you pick it up from living here?"
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